Twenty kilos. Just the bar. It is heavy, and the weight is not the insult.
The insult is that it is correct.

You did not pick it to be humble. Somebody sensible picked it and they were right,
and you would have picked it yourself, without hesitating, for anybody else in your position.

The arithmetic is not the problem.
You are grieving, and grief has never had an opinion about arithmetic.

The Book of the Phoenix — Arrival 59:1